Two ways of looking at things

A theme has been nagging at the corner of my mind, asking for my attention. Each time I sit down to write about it in this blog, I give up after a few lines. It won’t flow, it’s not ready. But it continues to take up all my attention, making it almost impossible to write about anything else.

And so I procrastinate, waiting for this to resolve itself in some way or another. And, because procrastination always makes me feel insufficient, the guilt creeps in. A nagging little voice starts whispering in my ear, Why can’t you just write about something else? Why won’t you just sit down and work this theme out? Lazy, that’s what you are! So I look for ways to distract myself from feeling guilty and lacking in some way. Tomorrow I’ll write. Tomorrow. The guilt piles up even higher.

There is another way of looking at this. As I sit quietly, listening to the pandemonium of inner voices, I start to see things from another angle. This theme is big, bigger than anything I’ve written about so far. A blog probably can’t do it justice. It’s not ready, it’s slowly gestating, growing into something that eventually can be birthed. Just as long as I don’t rush things. Everything needs time to grow properly. And, like a pregnant woman, whose entire existence is filled with the new life inside her, my mind continues to turn this theme over and over.

What I should (and will) do is journal about it. Write something for myself day after day. Patiently wait to perceive what is emerging out of the confused words in my journal. One day it will be ready to see the light of day. Maybe a blog post, maybe an article, or, who knows, maybe even a new book. We shall see.

blossom-2In the meantime there are seeds to plant, tender shoots taking their own time to grow. Spring is here.

One Comment:

  1. Mary Lou Gillette

    Dear Maddi,
    Good for you for putting that nagging little voice in its’ place! It seems to me that you have been going right straight out for a very long time! Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy some time without the “I should be…” thoughts structuring your day. The best thoughts come when you are doing something you love.
    Much love to you,
    Mary Lou/ Malou

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