It may surprise some of you to hear me say this, but most people who present themselves as highly spiritual individuals push all my (wrong) buttons. When someone says to me, “Oh let me show you this great shielding method I learned from a Siberian shaman.” I quickly start looking for a way to escape the conversation.

Not all of them, there are people whom I sense are truly connected to something greater than themselves. But they don’t seem to be the ones who shout out their connection to Spirit for everyone to hear. And I, myself, would love to feel this connection, be totally convinced that I am not a single, lonely soul walking this earth. I would love to know with absolute certainty that I am part of something greater than myself. Personally, I feel that I cannot claim this connection until all my senses and my inner intelligence supports that claim.

The funny thing is, I often do feel connected to something bigger. I feel it when I dance or meditate. I can be totally in the moment, letting go of all suffering and anticipation, and be joyfully aware of all that is around me. In my garden, I greet each of my trees daily, sensing how their different energies merge with mine. I often do visualizations or trance journeys, both for myself and with my clients. But my intelligence says that this is not the real McCoy. It is instrumental and the bigger sense of connectedness doesn’t need these instruments.

This may simply have to do with the utter vastness of the concept. I can lay down on the ground and feel the grass tickling my face, be entranced by the insects around me and the smell of the earth. I can also get my head around the concept of Mother Earth. But it is a distant, impartial Mother, not someone I can imagine holding me. The same is true with the concept of Spirit. When I look up at the stars, I feel a sense of awe and magic. But it remains a distant and impersonal space. Something to feel awed by but not something I can connect to in a personal way. And the longing to feel this connection, deeper than any connection to an individual in, for instance, a love relationship, is always there.

A key to this dilemma seems to lie in the regular practice of those instruments we’ve been given. During the periods that I practice daily (for instance dancing or meditating), my general awareness of feeling connected does grow and feel more natural. The body, not the mind, is the road that leads to this awareness.

As I walk my path, and help others walk theirs, I am being given guidance and a sense of joy along the way. But there are things I still need to learn. So in this blog, I’m presenting an enquiry instead of answers. I’m very curious to know if you, my reader, have an understanding of this concept of connected. Do you feel connected to something bigger than yourself, above and beyond the instrumental things that we have been taught? And, if so, what is your sense of this?

Images to accompany this blog

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